How Making The First Move Impacts The Whole Relationship
I’m a very impatient person, I know what I want and how to get it. Although from a work and career perspective this is great, it doesn’t always translate well when it comes to relationships.
Because I am so impatient, I tend to always make the first move in relationships. Whether that’s messaging them first, initiating sex first, asking are we serious first. I should honestly get a prize for the most ‘first’s’ achieved so far. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, some people of course aren’t as outgoing and can genuinely be shy, but I’ve noticed that it sets a precedent for the rest of the relationship.
If you’ve read some of my previous articles, then you’ll already know how much of a hopeless romantic I can be and I guess this plays hand in hand with the impatient side of me too. For the majority of the relationships I’ve been in, I’ve enjoyed ‘taking the upper hand’ so to speak as a kinda of power play element but now, not so much. Whether it’s connected to the failed relationships of the past, and how they’ve broken down or not, I don’t seem to wanna make the first move in some retrospects anymore.
Even if you are exploring new places, learning things together or whatever.. that can become monotonous real fast if it’s all one sided. I’m sure achieving the balance would be an ongoing battle, but even then that makes it sound forced which a good relationship shouldn’t be. I’m not asking to be whisked away on a romantic trip to Paris, it’s nothing to do about being spontaneous but it’s about showing the other person ‘hey as a couple we should totally experience this together because it’ll be cool’ in equal measures.
Look, I’m still gonna be that person who blurts out that they like someone though, that won’t change. But I do think, if you’re the one calling all the shots from the beginning, like suggesting places to go/things to do, then an example is laid out for you and the other person. Again, this is just drawing from personal experience, but I still find it refreshing when they other person randomly goes ‘oh lets do _____ this weekend’ or ‘I saw this and thought you’d be interested’. This could be common place in loads of relationships, and I’m just floating around thinking the opposite is what most people do, because it’s mainly what I’ve experienced.
I don’t wanna go into all that shit about how relationships should be equal, and the truth is in the constant commitment towards each other, which it is. But usually writing my articles, I can whack them out in 90 minutes easily but with this topic I’m so internally conflicted, which is rather strange from my perspective. I’ve always advocated for people doing what they wanted, in all walks of life, not just relationships. Yet this whole ‘making the first move’ mumbo jumbo, has only ended in empty promises and broken hearts. The point I’m trying to get across here, is that even if YOU make the first move, that shouldn’t become a continual theme in the relationship. Yes if you wanna go somewhere then say, but when it becomes a rare moment for THEM to suggest something, then you’ve got a problem on your hands whether you like it or not.
Trying to give advice in this particular article isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Usually I illustrate the issue, discuss then offer some resolution when in fact, I haven’t even figured it out properly myself. But then again, that’s life and who has that shit sorted out? Nobody. And if they argue otherwise then they’re dirty liars and honestly shouldn’t be trusted.
But at the end of the day, relationships should be build on foundations of trust and mutual respect, care and all that soppy shit that we hide behind closed doors. But if like me, you get caught up in the bliss of a new romance and sometimes put on your rose tinted glasses, ultimately ignoring the fact you’re the one making the effort. Then I think y’all need to step back and look at the facts of what’s going on, try to resolve it and if you can’t then simply move on. Because eventually you’ll find the person who you have those equal measures with, whether it be in a couple of years or a couple of days.